small
he's so small and scared
and i've hurt him so much already
i just need to understand.
have to trust him with my life and become trustworthy. (and trust his brothers with shaping(?) my soul)
This is not easy (why not? Still genuinely unsure. What is difficult about looking at myself? Is it because I'm scared I'll be inadequate?
Know this then: he loves me and is loyal to me.
I WANT TO BE ENOUGH FOR HIM THOUGH I WANT HIM TO HAVE EVERYTHING (MORE THAN I CAN PROMISE, MORE THAN I CAN GUARANTEE... to have him rely and then fall... do i want him to fall on the ground... do i really? then what, do i just want to be a fucking saint??? god fucking damnit)
I want to be able to love him with every atom of my lattice.
BUT WHY?
is this for me, to become someone who can love (what an honor 🫡🤮) or for him.