feeling fucking insane
feeling simultaneously vicious and unjustified (with no NEED to be justified SO FUCKING WHAT! "ARE YOU GOING TO CONDEMN ME THEN?" "LET'S AGREE TO CURSE EACH OTHER") and
fucking pathetic and worried and hopeful and understanding and wretched (IF IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE WHEN I AM HURT... IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE THAT I DIE AS SMTH NOT QUITE HUMAN)
i hate everyone except for my wife, and also how dare I say that, "BE GRATEFUL, DOG. SIT. PAW? BEG." who the fuck am i to condemn anyone, aren't they trying their best? aren't i?
and isn't the world FILLED with care and love that MEANS FUCKING ANYTHING I just need to look a little closer, my vision's not so good (but it's improved)
SURELY SOMEONE MEANS LOVE WHEN THEY SAY IT
SURELY SOMEONE....
if my wife were not alive i'd kill myself asap.
(WHAT WOULD THAT DO?)
(GIVE A "SATISFYING CONCLUSION"?
...no I just... i can't bear it. I can't fucking stand this world.)
I NEED SMTH TO MEAN SMTH.
dishes time.