familiar feeling
this sort of deep despair is a very familiar feeling. i think i wouldn't have used the words "unsure if i want to live" when i was a kid, but i felt this often i think.
(but I'm going to live of course, because my wife is here.)
med change has me feeling like this, gotta switch back to old dosage.
I think i only survived to adulthood because I'm a bit slow and hopeful and naive
and i had puzzles to do
like, I'm currently Undecided on living
but this feeling is extremely familiar? and i felt far worse Very Often when growing up??
so how'd i make it except for being too slow or naive or hopeful to recognize what was happening
(i also Refused Utterly to acknowledge thoughts of death unless i Intended To Die, so there was little in the way of "normal" measures of suicidality warning)