cannon fodder
terrified and hopeful and
I FEEL MY MIND WAS LOST LONG AGO, AND I CANNOT RECOVER IT.
...WAS IT EVER HERE...
I SQUEEZE TIGHT, AND IT SLIPS AWAY FROM ME...
I'm permanently dazed
i NEED TO and cannot(?) push myself to the standards i want (EVEN IF EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON IT)
i am cannon fodder...
sickened and disgusted with myself AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE